Emotions

They flow,
run
scream
cry
pour
drip

They taste
feel
hear
see

Nothing

They peel
rip
tear
pull
scratch
burn

Toute le temps

Headaches and Heartaches

They're so much the same

They hurt inside, you can't pick the spot

where

They hurt

So much pain

Killing me

I want to be

But I don't want to feel all this

It won't go away

It stays and stays

drugs numb you

but not your insides

not the pains of your insides

It lasts

it has no permission to stay

yet it's still there

like a lonely old woman

i greive

for all the things i didn't do

for all my regrets

for everyone ive hurt

and everyone whos hurt me

i dont want to feel this

yet the only way for it to vanish

is to get what it wants

like a 2 year old with a bag of chocolate chips

he wants to eat them all, but he cannot have it

hes desparate

yet no one will let him

no one will open the bag

my bag of chocolate is inside

i cant open it

and no one is willing to open it for me

this hurt is unbearable

i cant understand

i dont comprehend

all i can do is try to live with it

because if i give up,

it wins, i lose.

It lives, I die.

Thats the only way to rid it from me

Or, you could for me.

R.K. On Death

This is from my friend Alyssa's site...

It's R.K. On Death from Our Lady Peace's album Spiritual Machines.

Take death for example.
A great deal of our effort goes into avoiding it.
We make extraordinary efforts to delay it and often consider it's intrusion a tragic event.
Yet we'd find it hard to live without it.
Death gives meaning to our lives.
It gives importance and value to time.
Time would become meaningless if there were too much of it.
If death were indefinately put off, the human psyche would end up, well, like the gambler in the "Twilight Zone" episode.



See, I should write songs out...I could use some of my slightly-off-the-line thoughs (if I even compose one into accual words...which reminds me, I have to write a top-ten list...)

Some Songs

This is a post that I wanted to put on my Piczo Page, but it wouldn't load so I thought I would put it here too.


I've bought 2 more of OLP's albums, and so I'm getting into them. Also, Nickelback is starting to make my top-fifty list more and more often. I bought their new CD a while ago and I got their "Silver Side Up" CD for Christmas.
Switchfoot's old album as well as Coldplay's new album are other CDs I got for Christmas.

Anyway, onto my new list of "All Time Faves" (taken from my iPod)...

As Lovers Go and Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional...My friend Kristy got me addicted to these songs a couple weeks ago. I love all the guitar. Also, the lyrics are pretty great too. I really am starting to love the little-er known bands. (Did I say I know all the lyrics and key changes? I'm working on the chords...)

Bitemarks and Bloodstains - Finch...Yet another indie band. The title may sound a little scary, but the backbeat and lyrics of this song just captivates you...(lol did that sound sappy, or was it just me?)

Count on Me - Default...Not one of my usual bands, but I just like this song and I'm not sure why. The heaviness they place on the guitar would be too much if they didn't have the awesome drums in the backround...

I'm still lovin Kanye's Jesus Walks...The song just seems to have such meaning...

Outside (Acoustic) Live with Fred Durst and Aaron Lewis...I'm not sure exactly where it was live, but I just saw the last 30 seconds of this video and fell in love. The lyrics just speak to you, eh? And who doesn't love one solo live guitar? It takes talent to be so rehearsed yet sound and be live...(Yep, all the words, some of the chords, all the shoutouts from the audience, and I even think I know what they're talking about!)

Photobooth with Death Cab for Cutie...Another Indie band. I really love the beat and weird instruments in this song. The lyrics are sweet too...The chorus is awesome...(Yep, all these words too)

Screaming Infidelities by...Dashboard Confessional (Again)...THe lyrics (again), the guitar (again) and the emotions that come out in this song is what makes it extravagant. You can really feel what this guy is saying. The chorus rocks too (yea, i think i know all the words to all these songs...)

The LoveSong - K-OS Man, this song should definatly be on everyone's fave songs list... The lyrics are just so awesome...He's Canadian AND can accually rap...The music is sooo good too....The lyrics are sooo good, I love them. (Did I say that yet?)

The Scientist - Coldplay...I knew this song on the piano before I even heard it and when I did I just fell in love with it all over again. The lyrics are so good, and the piano is probably the best part...Chris Martin is a magician to be able to put such meaning into words and then fit them inside such a powerful chord progression in a driving song...

Vindicated...by....DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL! (You say, "not them again" and I say YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!) I am just in love with these guys. Who doesn't love (or want to love!) emotional men? I really like how they use cres. and dim. s so well in their songs.



Some other new songs that I am starting to like more and more....

Roan to Zion - Damion Marley...I was excited to hear Bob Marley's son's talent...The lyrics are pretty good too.

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson...I want to learn this one on the piano...She display's her life so clearly in this song and I think that a lot of people can relate to this song no matter what their walk of life is like.

Who I Am Hates Who I've Been - Relient K...Even the title of this song discribes me beyond belief...And Relient K is a good band in itself...The drums in this song are good too...And who could imagine a pretty little-know Christian Rock band having a music video playing on Much Music (even if it was on the PUNCH! part....)that's pretty huge, eh?!

Songs

These are some of my favourite (5-star on my iPod) songs that I should post the lyrics to when I have time:

The Lovesong - k-os
Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
Fix You - Coldplay
Hands Down - Dashboard Confessional
Julia (Acoustic) - Our Lady Peace
Numb/Encore - Jay-Z & Linkin Park
24 - Switchfoot
Pardon Me (Acoustic) - Incubus
Jesus of Suburbia - Green Day
Where is the Love? - Black Eyed Peas
Misery - The Moffats
An Honest Mistake - The Bravery
Be Like That - Three Doors Down
Theif - Our Lady Peace
The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails
I Don't Want to Be - Gavin DeGraw
I Don't Want to Wait - Dido
For The Moments I Feel Faint - Relient K
Angels Losing Sleep - Our Lady Peace
Photobooth - Death Cab For Cutie
Dice - Finley Quaye
White Flag - Dido
Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessional
The Scientist - Coldplay
Life is Short - Butterfly Boucher
Nothing to Lose - Billy Talent
You Won't See Me Cry - Bonnie Tyler
Count on Me - Default
Blind - Lifehouse
Bitemarks and Bloodstains - Finch
Paper Thin Walls - Modest Mouse
You and Me - Lifehouse
'Round Here - Casting Crowns
American Dream - Casting Crowns
Jesus Walks - Kanye West
Swing Swing - The All-American Rejects
One Week - Barenaked Ladies
Photograph - Nickelback
4am - Our Lady Peace
Best of You - Foo Fighters
Outside (Acoustic) - Aaron Lewis and Fred Durst
Where Are You - Our Lady Peace
Chariot - Gavin Degraw
Seventy Times 7 - Brand New
Road to Zion - Damion Marley (featuring Nas)
Existentialism on Prom Night - Straylight Run


Anyway, those are some of my favourite at the moment.

Love and Peace

Our Lady Peace's "Innocent" Lyrics

This is an ancient song that I still love...the lyrics are the best part.

Our Lady Peace
Innocent
Gravity (2002)

Oh, Johnny wishes he was famous
Spends his time alone
In the basement
With Lennon and Cobain
A guitar and a stereo
While he wishes he
Could escape this
It all seems so contagious
Not to be yourself and faceless
In a song that has no soul

I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped
We are,
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are, we are
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are, we are

Oh, Tina's losing faith in what she knows
Hates her music
Hates all of her clothes
Thinks of surgery
And a new nose
Every calorie is a war
While she wishes she
Was a dancer
And never heard of cancer
She wishes God would give her
Some answers
And make her feel beautiful

I remember feeling low
I remember losing hope
I remember all the feelings
And the day they stopped
We are,
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are, we are
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are


One day, you'll have to let it go
Oh
One day
You'll stand up on your own, you'll stand up on your own
Yeah
Remember losing hope
Remember feeling low
Remember all the feelings and the day they stopped

We are
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are, we are
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are

We are,
We are all innocent
(One day, you'll have to let it go, you'll have to let it go)
We are all innocent
We are, we are, we are,
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are

We are,
We are all innocent
(One day, you'll stand up on your own, stand up on your own)
We are all innocent
We are, we are, we are,
We are all innocent, we are all innocent
We are, we are

We are... we are all innocent...

Dashboard Confessional's "Vindicated" Lyrics

This is a song that I've liked for a long while now...Anyways, here are the lyrics...

(I've been getting the lyrics off azlyrics.com but I really don't like how they format things, so I'm writing them out myself...Isn't that dedication?!)

Dashboard Confessional
Vindicated
Spider-Man 2 Soundtrack

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that

I am vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my fingertips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defence is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current

So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away

I am vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

Rufus Wrainwright's "Hallelujah" Lyrics

I like Rufus Wrainwright's version of this song better than any other, and I am trying to learn how to play it on the piano (but my sheet music sucks)...anyway, here's the lyrics.

Rufus Wrainwritght
Hallelujah
Shrek Soundtrack

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Mabye I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time
You let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving to
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a god above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night,
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Midday 23/12/05

Well, I guess I'll start off with yesterday and last night.

Classes went okay, my history test was hard, and the assembally was boring, but it was okay.

Katie came home on the bus with me and we played Scattegories till mum and dad came home. Katie called Jonah and he said that he would pick us up at 6:30. It was already 5 and we hadn't eaten supper yet. So mum whiped us up some wraps and I started on Katie's hair. She wetted it down and we tried to make it straight, but it didn't turn out as well as we had hoped, so mum curled it for her while I showered. I cut myself shaving pretty bad, and it wouldn't stop bleeding! (So I had to wear a bandaid...er!) I blew my hair dry straight and put on my dress. When I was getting dressed and Katie was doing her makeup, Ari called and asked her what to wear. She didn't seem near as nervous as Katie did (I was pretty nervous myself), but she needed to know if she could wear jeans. We were going to meet her there. Then, as I was trying to stop my ancle from bleeding, Jonah and his parents arrived. Neither Katie nor I were ready, so they sat down and had a cup of tea. I was trying to whip on some makeup and put on a bandaid. Finally we desided to go downstairs. Jonah looked really nice...I was worried that my parents and his parents were talking about something really embarrassing, but Jonah didn't think so. Jonah was so incredably nervous, I had never seen him anything like that before. Katie was a little on edge too. I felt really awkward... On the way to the dance it was pretty quiet...We didn't really have anything to talk about. Once we got into the building it was better and a little less awkward. We finally made our way to the coat check after meeting Lauren and Emlyn and Meagan. (Lori and Emily were there too.) The enterance was on the other side of the building, and everyone wanted to go in, so we made our way there. It was light for the first bit...we all claimed a table and sat for a while. Katie and Meagan went to try to find Ari, but were unsuccessful. Lauren and Emlyn went skating...I really wanted to go, so after a while I borrowed this guy's skates and his girlfriend's socks lol...Jeremy and Erica (aka Socks). I went out and danced for a little bit, not much though...I'm not much of a dancer. Jonah and Katie had fun, and so did Lauren and Emlyn. I (sorta) got to meet Nick's girlfriend...he just kinda pointed at her and said "there"...I think he's still really nervous. Everyone started leaving around 10:30, but Katie and I stayed till 11-ish. When her mom came to pick us up, she was upset about Ari. Apparently she waited for Katie for a half hour before giving up and going home. Katie still feels unbelievably bad. I was tired, so I headed off to bed and was asleep before 12:30.
Today I woke up at about ten after 7...I was/am still tired. Mum drove both me and Heather to school...I kinda knew that it would be a skip day, but this was rediculous! My homeroom teacher didn't even show up, so there was no attendance. I went to Fournier's class, but then a bunch of people came who were going to Tim Horton's, so I went with them. I went back a little while later and just hung out in Katie's English class. I went back to history to get the review sheet for the test that's right after break. We played poker for a couple minutes with two of Katie's friends...Stevo and someone... They put on Charlie and The Chocoloate Factory, so I watched that with Katie and Ashley and re-copied some old English notes. I got home around 12:10, and hopped on the computer. Mom and I stripped the beds, because Kevin and Nana and Papa should be arriving sometime tomorrow (most likely around noon). I have to take Papa shopping tomorrow (Christmas Eve) afternoon and tonight I have to take Heather. Ah! I'm going to type up some more English notes as well as re-copy (by hand) some other ones. More later.

Love and Peace

12/22/05

Well, Katie is here right now, and the formal is tonight, so I probably won't get to post today.

Love and Peace

Dashboard Confessional's "As Lovers Go" Lyrics

"As Lovers Go"
Dashboard Confessional
"A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar" (2003)

She said "I've gotta be honest,
You're wasting your time if you're fishing 'round here."
And I said "You must be mistaken,
'Cause I'm not fooling...this feeling is real"
She said "You've gotta be crazy,
What do you take me for? Some kind of easy mark?
"No, you've got wits, you've got looks,
you've got passion, but I swear that you've got me all wrong."

All wrong.
All wrong.
But you've got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be your cavalier...I'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?

And I said "I've gotta be honest
I've been waiting for you all my life."
For so long I thought I was asylum bound,
But just seeing you makes me think twice.
And being with you here makes me sane,
I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.

You've got wits...You've got looks,
You've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?

Tonight.
Tonight.
But you've got me...

I'll be true, I'll be useful...
I'll be your cavalier...I'll be yours my dear.
And I'll belong to you...
If you'll just let me through.
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?
This is easy as lovers go,
So don't complicate it by hesitating.
And this is wonderful as loving goes,
This is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?



I will hopefully be able to compose a Top-Ten (maybe Top-Five) list soon...

Love and Peace

Detail of 12/21/05

Well, it's a little later now, so I have a bit of time to tell you about my day.

Ashley gave me a little candle holder in homeroom today. It was nice of her to put time into so many presents. Laurel then said that she would bring me a purse for the formal. (I don't have one, and it's surprising what you learn about people when you ask, like how she has a complete collection of purses and handbags...)
The history test was a lot worse than I thought it would be...I'm terrified of the exam because I usually coast through the first day and then just try to memorize it for the next (like I'm suppose to be doing now, but it is so unbelievably boring). But the exam is only one day (two hours, but still only one day). And last year's record was pretty bad, so...
We watched Holes in English class today. Ms. Mac is so weird... She told the class that we had improved so much even though the class average has dropped 8 points.
In Electrical Ryan and I were both getting into each other's hair a little bit, but it wasn't that bad. We managed to complete yesterday's lab and start tearing everything apart for the 4th lab. I think he spliced some wires together too.
At lunch I hung out with Laurel...We're starting to become good friends again. She and Nicole had a little tiff, so now she can't come between us anymore. Jonah asked for directions to my house, so it is starting to settle into my brain how unbelievably close it accually is.
The math test killed me. As soon as I got out of class I remembered how to do the biggest problem on the test. I was so angry! Anyway, Mme. B-W gave out exam review sheets...There's 4 plus a legal-sized sheet. I started to glance over them, but I had to stop for fear of giving myself a panic attack.
French went by surprisingly fast today. It started off with our last verb test of the year (yay!) and then we just corrected the sheet from Monday. He explained what was on the exam and it really doesn't seem like much. All that is on it is everything that we are doing in the first two weeks back after winter break. Also during 5th period, I made two "Happy Non-Denominational Winter Holiday" cards...One for Jassy and one for Laurel. They thought that they were quite funny and politically-correct.
Dad was home when I arrived. I'm pretty sure he has the rest of the week off (I can only wish). We were going to play Scattegories, but then mom and Heather came home and so Dad and Heather went to pick up Honey. She got her hair and nails cut...She looks like such a different dog now!
Anyway, mom was a little stressed, as the Cronins came for supper. I helped a little bit, but I'm really not crazy about preparing meals and hors d'ourves. Anyway, once they arrived and mom got settled we opened our Christmas gifts. I got Nickelback's "Silver Side Up" CD, a post-it pad shaped like sandals and a box of the original Jelly Bellies. Heather got a pen and stuff...Mom got a Santa to match the one from last year. Dad got a giftcard to Future Shop.
I'm still confused about math...I really didn't get the homework, and I think it might be a combination of the language as well as not really knowing what I'm doing now.
Well, I really should go study for that History test...It's such a pain in the butt though. Before I go I will post the lyrics to that Dashboard Confessional song, "As Lovers Go".
Love and Peace

12/21/05

Well, just a quick post before someone yells at me for not helping with supper. The Cronins are coming for our annual gift exchange, so we are having a big holiday supper.
Today at school was a little stressful, but I caught myself smiling a few times, so it can't be that bad.
The formal is tomorrow and I am starting to get even more antsy. Jonah is coming to pick Katie up, but Katie is coming here to get ready. (She is going to try to curl my hair...) So, it may be a little awkward, but I'm getting a ride with Jonah too.

On a different track....

There's a couple new Dashboard Confessional songs in my head lately. I was listening to them at Kristy's and now they are going to be forever stuck in my head along with Carol Of The Bells.
My favourite of the two is named "As Lovers Go". I'll post the lyrics later, but my favourite line is:
"I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be your cavalier"

Dashboard Confessional is starting to make some of my (not-so) famous Top-Ten lists.

More later tonight hopefully :)

12/20/05

Well, today was almost the same as every other day.

People finished up their book reports today in English, I really don't want to read any other book that we had this round next time we have lit circles again. They all seem really boring and not my taste.
In Electrical Ryan was a little stressed and we were both frusterated. I'll just pick up tomorrow and hopefully we can get this third lab done.
I'm finally starting to get what we're doing in math. I just wish that she would give us notes to explain all these different methods of factorizing quadratic equations (or whatever they're called). Our test is tomorrow, and I'm more worried about it than any of our previous tests because this is the first one where I'm not 100% sure of myself.
It seems like Bellefleur has just given up. In French he just said "Do what you did yesterday." and left us to do it. He's such a weird guy, I really don't understand why he's still teaching if he hates it that much.

When I got home, I was excited. I thought that maybe today was one of the days dad had off, but it's tomorrow when both he and mum will be home. Anyway, on the kitchen table, there was my iPod! I thought it wouldn't be back untill at least after the new year. Anyway, I think they had to wipe the hard drive, so I am reloading all of my songs onto it right now. I think it will take a couple of hours, so I booted up this computer and am adding (some) new songs to my library. I still have tons of CDs to put onto this computer, but that takes forever. I think I know a new way of how I can get it to go faster though. Maybe I'll try it over break.

Heather's friend Abigail is over. They are doing a Christmas piano recital tomorrow at school. They both seem really excited. Sometimes I wish I could do something like that and just be younger again.

I'm really starting to feel the Christmas/Break/Exam crunch. I have so much to do, but I really don't want to do any of it. School just bores me now. I mean, English and French especially, but I've started not to care about Math too. It just seems like she expects too much from us and so I just want to wait for her to explain it to me instead of having to try to figure it out alone. It seems like Christmas is so close yet so far away at the same time. I haven't really had a chance to think in a while. Even now I am doing so many things at once I can't really concentrate on one specific thing. And thinking about how tomorrow I have all sorts of tests and stuff and assemballs and that there is a lot of people who aren't planning on going to school for the rest of this week...And I don't even want to start thinking of exams. It seems like they are the only thing on anyone's mind at school.

And then there is the Christmas Formal.
I'm nervous about going because I haven't been to a dance in such a long time. I don't know how to act and I really hate being embarrassed. I'm paranoid that I am going to do or say something stupid so I don't want to get nervous because when I am nervous I say a lot of stupid things. But even thinking about it makes me nervous (can you tell from the way I'm typing?). I am self-concious about wearing a dress...I won't ahve anything to cover myself up with. I don't think I have enough guts to wear my shoes either....And I am the only one without a date in my group it seems. Katie wants me to tag along with her and Jonah, but it's gonna be weird. She is coming to my house to do makeup and hair and get ready...Then Jonah is picking her (and me...erg) up and driving us.

Who thought I could write this much just about my day? This is nothing compared to everything else running around in my mind. I'll have to tell you about it later though, cause I think I'm gonna see if any more songs have downloaded then log off and see if I can study even a little before watching CSI or something on television to (hopefully) relax a bit.

There's just so much to do, to say, to be, to feel, to worry for, to be stressed for, to listen to, to read, to study, to concentrate on, to meditate on, to think about......and so little precious time and effort.