Monday, December 31

On Your Own

Raine Maida recently produced a solo album with help from his wife. This is the first single. The video for this song was shot in Toronto where Raine walked around with his guitar, singing this song, with his case open to raise money for War Child Canada.


"Yellow Brick Road"
Raine Maida
The Hunter's Lullaby (2007)

I remember the days when we talked for hours
And we were young, we thought we had superpowers
We kissed the sky, expanded our minds, thought we could fly
We were dreamers and we’d never die
We were young punks but we showed potential
Us against the world
We weren’t sentimental
We weren’t our problems our age or our paychecks
And we weren’t taking any body’s shit

If I knew now what I knew then I’d
Back up, do it all again, I’d take a bow, take it real slow
Take a ride down that yellow brick road
Knew now what I knew then, I’d
Back up do it all again I’d take a bow, take it real slow
Take a ride down that yellow brick road

C'mon, c'mon wise up
C'mon, c'mon wise up
C'mon, c'mon wise

The winters were cold but we had your parent's basement
This underground was for sinners and we embraced it
Magic pills, fairy tales, Sid Barrett’s ghost
Yeah we all got on that spaceship
We measured our lives in coffee spoons
And those Friday nights quickly turned into Sunday afternoons
We weren’t our money our muscles or our regrets
We were having a near life experience

If I knew now what I knew then I’d
Back up, do it all again, I’d take a bow, take it real slow
Take a ride down that yellow brick road
Knew now what I knew then, I’d
Back up do it all again I’d take a bow, take it real slow
Take a ride down that yellow brick road

I remember the days when we talked for hours
And we were young, we thought we had superpowers
We want our problems our age or our paychecks
And we weren’t taking any body’s shit

If I knew now what I knew then I’d
Back up, do it all again, I’d take a bow, take it real slow
Take a ride down that yellow brick road
Knew now what I knew then, I’d
Back up do it all again I’d take a bow, take it real slow
Take a ride down that yellow brick road

C'mon, c'mon wise up
C'mon, c'mon wise up
C'mon, c'mon wise

Sunday, November 25

Relapse.

"Saturday, June 2
Very Old Poem

This is an old poem I wrote a few years ago. I wanted to share it with you just to show myself how far I've come in the past couple years. Interpert however you wish.


Lies.
Not white ones,
ones that no one knows
the truth of.
You're not even sure what
the real thing is.
You've spent too much time
living lies.

Eventually I crack.
I can't take it.
I don't want to start over,
because I know I'll break.
I'd rather leave,
leave everything behind.
That way I would cause
no more anything.
I've confused, ruined and misguided
so many people and lives.
Not to mention my own.
There's no trust, no love, nothing.
I'm so alone, so far away,
yet so close and distanced.
This has to end.
Just pretend
there was no beginning
and don't remember me ever.
Again.

I'm so broken,
all confused.
No one's here to guide me.
I want someone else's shoes.
I need to heal the open wounds,
yet protect the mended scars.

I'm moving too fast.
I never liked waterfalls.
RUSH
Not fun, not even close,
they pull you under,
pretend you're having fun.
But then it all changes.
You can see, hear, feel.
But you're ending, collapsing.
It's all over.
You're at the bottom.
No one's holding you down.
But you just don't want to see.
You refuse to breathe.

Main stream was never my thing.
I was proud of little things, and
envious of larger ones.
I didn't want to be, or so they thought.
I had dreams.
Feelings too.
But you were too distraught.
Why should you care?
I'm just another tear
in this so un-perfect life.
We ignore things we don't want,
and excentuate the things we do.
Why be real?
Why be yourself?
You won't be accepted.
You're all alone.
How does it feel now?

Hide and jump.
Say you're sorry.
Believe in everything.
Feel and express.
Shout and whisper.
Be kind and rude.
Have willpower to give up easily.
Possibilities are limited.

Death is morbid.
Morbid is death.

What colour's your angel?

Rambling provided by Hannah sometime in the vicinity of 4:18 PM "



This poem was written a very long time ago.
My thoughts have now relapsed. I am feeling these things again. And it's scaring me.
This poem was so close to my heart, so raw, when I wrote it. Now, again, I feel very connected.
I don't want that to happen.
I think I'm relapsing into my old self.

Saturday, September 8

Over and Over

Over and over again I listen to this song....
"Orange Sky"
Alexi Murdoch

Well I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother standing by
With my brother standing by
I said Brother, you know you know
It’s a long road we’ve been walking on
Brother you know it is you know it is
Such a long road we’ve been walking on

And I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my sister standing by
With my sister standing by
I said Sister, here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

But sister you know I’m so weary
And you know sister
My hearts been broken
Sometimes, sometimes
My mind is too strong to carry on
Too strong to carry on

When I am alone
When I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I've lost all care for the things I own
That's when I miss you, that's when I miss you, that's when I miss you
You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love

Well I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by

Monday, August 27

I've been thinking a lot lately.
I'm not quite sure what about exactly...But I know that there are a lot of stressful situations in line for me.
Dealing with my own battles is hard enough. But sometimes you have family and friends who need your help too, you know?
The coming weeks will be trying.
That's all I'm sure of right now.

Friday, June 22

A Wonderful Place

Tonight I am going to Upper Gagetown to my favourite place in the world.
I am so excited to go, yet there's a lot of stress and pressure surrounding the next few weeks as well.
I just pray that everything can work out in the end; that everything will run smoothly.
I want to get the most out of this weekend, and even though I won't have much time to immediatly reflect on it because of my week in Moncton, I feel like this is something I need right now. I need to reconnect and prioritize.
I also want to wish my football team good luck tomorrow at their game in Saint John. I don't have enough faith in my replacement sub, but I want her to do well.
I will see everyone in a week or so when I come back to Freddy. My grandparents will have arrived by then and I will hopefully have another job.
Pray for me this weekend guys.
Hannah.

Friday, June 15

School is over.
It's sad and happy, together.
This means I won't get to see my friends very often. It also means I (hopefully) won't be so stressed.
My managers at work aren't being very kind, and now I'm worried about what I'm going to do all summer.
Football is going well. I still screw up a ton, but it's getting better. My second game is tomorrow at Leo Hayes (4pm...you all should come out).

I really like this song...Dancing by Elisa. I can't find it online though, so if anyone has it that would be appreciated.

Hannah.

Tuesday, June 5

This type of year makes me super stressed out.
Being stressed makes me want to cry.
I actually get really nervous and anxious and not like myself this time of year.
I need to go not cry now. I have too much to do.
Hannah

Saturday, June 2

Very Old Poem

This is an old poem I wrote a few years ago. I wanted to share it with you just to show myself how far I've come in the past couple years. Interpert however you wish.


Lies.
Not white ones,
ones that no one knows
the truth of.
You're not even sure what
the real thing is.
You've spent too much time
living lies.

Eventually I crack.
I can't take it.
I don't want to start over,
because I know I'll break.
I'd rather leave,
leave everything behind.
That way I would cause
no more anything.
I've confused, ruined and misguided
so many people and lives.
Not to mention my own.
There's no trust, no love, nothing.
I'm so alone, so far away,
yet so close and distanced.
This has to end.
Just pretend
there was no beginning
and don't remember me ever.
Again.

I'm so broken,
all confused.
No one's here to guide me.
I want someone else's shoes.
I need to heal the open wounds,
yet protect the mended scars.

I'm moving too fast.
I never liked waterfalls.
RUSH
Not fun, not even close,
they pull you under,
pretend you're having fun.
But then it all changes.
You can see, hear, feel.
But you're ending, collapsing.
It's all over.
You're at the bottom.
No one's holding you down.
But you just don't want to see.
You refuse to breathe.

Main stream was never my thing.
I was proud of little things, and
envious of larger ones.
I didn't want to be, or so they thought.
I had dreams.
Feelings too.
But you were too distraught.
Why should you care?
I'm just another tear
in this so un-perfect life.
We ignore things we don't want,
and excentuate the things we do.
Why be real?
Why be yourself?
You won't be accepted.
You're all alone.
How does it feel now?

Hide and jump.
Say you're sorry.
Believe in everything.
Feel and express.
Shout and whisper.
Be kind and rude.
Have willpower to give up easily.
Possibilities are limited.

Death is morbid.
Morbid is death.

What colour's your angel?

Thursday, April 26

Aw, Life.

So lately, life has been stressful. Not just your run-of-the-mill, worried-about-some-test stressful, but full-blown, I-should-just-shoot-myself-now kind of stressful.

Yesterday I applyed for three jobs. Hopefully sometime this weekend I can drop off another two resumes. I decided I needed to work through this summer if I want to get out of my first couple years of university debt-free. I do have a job right now, but I don't work too many hours a week, and my hours won't increase through the summer. I also want to LIT at Medley, but I don't know if I will be able to get time off work. Maybe next summer I can convince them to let me work at Camp all summer long (and get paid).
Being 'young' makes everything so much more difficult. Ugh.

School right now is torture. I sit in homeroom and ask myself if it's time to go home yet. With a ton of projects, essays, and reading to do, I am so tempted to just not show up.

Rugby was going well. I did horribly at today's practice and I am extremely mad at myself. We won yesterday's game 25-19 (versus Leo Hayes), and I got to play a little bit towards the end.
Football is going well too. I haven't been to too many practices yet, but there is a car wash all day on Saturday (y'all should come out...across from St. Mary's Grocery) and our first outdoor practice is on Sunday night.

My grandfather moved last Friday...He was living in an apartment in Moncton, but since my grandmother died last August, he decided he would be better off living in an 'assited living' facility. I really wanted him to move up here to Ste. Anne's Court, but the money difference was too substantial. He's in Riverview, so it's hard for me to get up and see him. I really hope he stays there for a few months and then decides he would be better off up here with the rest of his family. I want this more than anything right now, and he just won't hear it from me. It is so frusterating. I think he is doing okay now though, so I guess that's the most important thing.

I'm so glad I have Friday and Monday off (even though I have tons of stuff to do on both days), because I think I might have a nervous breakdown (or an angry uproar) soon...

Pray for me. I feel so far from God lately...I know it's horrible, but when I'm so busy and exhausted, I just cannot do my devotions at night. I am trying, trying, trying to get them done though. I never go to church anymore with Meagan, because I am always working or in Moncton! Just pray for me not to stray too far from God.
Thanks guys.
Love Hannah.

Thursday, April 5

Posts

First off -- there's (finally) a new post at The Message (another blog that I write with)...go check it out.

Life is getting better I think...No shortage of high-school drama. Man, I can't wait to get out of there. Work is stressful, school even more so. But the year is almost over (even though we got a ton of snow today, I know it's really springtime) and I should be getting ready for rugby and summertime.

Hannah.

Tuesday, March 27

Life?

Not too many people know this, but I haven't been having a very good while lately. I'm not sure if I am accually sick, or I just feel (mentally) sick. I'm having ups and lows and extreme lows and no one is really sure what's going on.
Rugby has started, and I am really happy about that. I'm upset though too, because I thought I would be preforming better than I accually am.
I got myself a job. It's hard work. I earn some money. It's hard work. Oh, and the past two days I've gotten yelled at. Wonderful.
It can be a little rough at home too. Mom's been having all sorts of mammograms and that, and today Dad went in for some cancer tests too. No one has been in a good mood. Heather, my sister...Well...I don't know what's wrong with her. We generally seem to get along and stay out of each other's way, but lately she's been really on edge (and me too I guess).
School is mediocre.
I've had way too much time to think, because when I get home at the end of the day and fall into bed, I can't sleep. I seem to have given up sleeping to daydream and worry. Ick.
I haven't got a clue how to deal with all this stuff...I've been really stressed out and I just don't know what to do with myself. All I can ask is that you don't judge me.
I've been struggling with my faith quite a bit over the past couple weeks...My friends are moving on, their lives are changing, and I think I'm still stuck back here, waiting for something to happen. So I decided I would take matters into my own hands and make something happen. Weather it be for the best or for the worst, at least something will happen, right? I find myself striving, wishing, dreaming, hoping, wanting, needing something more, but I just don't know how to satisfy myself with something that won't hurt me. I want to live a life of God, but right now it just seems like I'm going to miss out on so much! At the same time there's a battle going on in my head saying that living Jesus's life is so much better and fullfilling...
Pray for me guys.
Hannah.

Wednesday, March 21

Odd...

Today wasn't a very good day. Everyone's acting strange and I feel kinda odd...Not sick, but...Anyway.
Here's some lyrics that have been streaming in my mind all day.


"Mirror"
BarlowGirl
WOW Hits 2006 (2006)
Mirror, Mirror on the wall; Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I’m finding It’s not easy to be perfect
So sorry, you won’t define me
Sorry, you don’t own me

Chorus
Who are you to tell me
that I’m less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you? yeah yeah
I don’t need to listen
to the list of things I should do
I won’t try; no I won’t try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I’m looking into the eyes of He who made me and
To Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me yeah yeah

Chorus
You don't define me(x4)(no u don't define me)(x3)
Chorus(x2)

Wednesday, March 14

Futures.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the future. Not just the daily worrying, but the bigger picture. Is daydreaming still permitted in high school?
All my life (I feel as if) I have been told that I have to go to UNB and get at least a bachelor's degree. My parents would prefer it to be in science. Since about grade nine I thought I wanted to go to Medical School afterwards, to become a doctor (probably in the Emergency Room). I think I might like that, but I also have feelings of wanting to go somewhere in Africa, have children, get married, and experience something a little different.
Tonight Meagan and I were talking, and she and I feel the same about a lot of things. Some older people say "it must be so easy for you guys now, having so many choices." I think they're wrong. I think it would have been better and less stressful if someone gave me a list of 10 careers and said "pick one." Now I'm feeling all sorts of pressure to pick the right courses, do extremely well in school, earn a ton of money, save all my money, apply for as many scholarships as possible, spend all my time working and studying, and...
I'm just so overwhelmed. Everyone tries to help, but they aren't doing very well.
I don't know what to do.
I could make a lot of money if I wrote an owners manual to life. Too bad I don't know how to deal with it myself.

Hannah.

Wednesday, March 7

Game.

Okay, Facebook is addicting, but I think I found something even more....

www.lost.eu/2ae2f


Just go.

Hannah.

Monday, February 19

Blessed

I am so blessed to have incredible friends.

I'm not being me, I'm being more truthful than normal.

I can't believe what kind of love these crazy kids show me!
I can't believe how I survived up until high school without these amazing people.
I love all my friends dearly, and I have no idea what I would do to myself if they were gone.

This is my love song.
Hannah.

Wednesday, February 14

Today, February The Fourteenth

How come Valentine's Day is such a big holiday nowadays? Cards, chocolate, flowers, TV shows, school, magazines...Everything is being overtaken by love, or its commercial equivilant.
Why do we need an entire day devoted to love? Shouldn't we express our love for each other every day, without having to be reminded?
I'm not being bitter...Today it occured to me that some people were happy and joyous, while most were rather upset...The feeling of being alone had overtaken some of my friends. I'm sure it can be a happy day, being reminded of the relationship you have with someone and how special that is to you.
Anyway, this song has been going through my head all day, so here's some lyrics.
Hannah.

"Did You Feel The Mountains Tremble?"
Did you feel the mountains tremble?
Did you hear the oceans roar?
When the people rose to sing of Jesus Christ the risen one.

Did you feel the people tremble?
Did you hear the singers roar?
When the lost began to sing of Jesus Christ the saving one.

And we can see that God you're moving
A mighty river through the nations
And young and old will turn to Jesus
Fling wide you heavenly gates
Prepare the way of the risen Lord

Open up the doors and let the music play
Let the streets resound with singing
Songs that bring your hope
Songs that bring your joy
Dancers who dance upon injustice.

Do you feel the darkness tremble?
When all the saints join in one song.
And all the streams flow as one river
To wash away our brokenness.

And here we see that God you're moving.
A time of jubilee is coming
When young and old return to Jesus
Fling wide you heavenly gates.
Prepare the way of the risen Lord.

Tuesday, January 30

The Story of My Life.

The Story of My Life is something I say quite often, as a saying. But does anyone accually know the story of my life? Because I sure don't.
I came across a book called All About Me when I was cleaning my room. It asks questions and you respond to them by filling in the blank or checking the box. I thought I would update some of it online here for you (all 2 of you who read this). Last time I wrote in the book it was the summer in between grade 8 and 9...so 2.5 years ago. Boy, things change quickly.

I.D.
Who Are You?
Only God knows.
What's Your Name?
Hannah.
What Would You Change Your Name To If You Had To?
Emma.
What Would Be Better Than School?
Travelling the world and helping people instead of sitting in class just hearing about people helping others.

Soon
Do You Often Think Of The Future?
Yes, very often. I even posted about how much I think of the future and not of the past.
One Goal You Will Probably Reach:
Graduating high school, going on to university.
One Goal You Will Probably Not Reach:
I intend to reach all my goals...My dreams however are a different matter. I don't allow my dreams and goals to mix, as I am afraid of failure.
One Wish For The World In The Future:
Please, don't allow there to be a World War Three. Nothing is ever achieved, and too many die. There's no point except to kill, and is that what we're really meant to be here for?
When Will Relationships Get Easier In The Future?
Never. It always takes more and more work.
Will All Races Ever Mix To Form One Large Race?
That would be nice, but no. There are just too many cultures that are far from our own.

Favourites
Favourite Thing To Do:
Laugh.
Your Favourite Person:
Meagan. (love)
Your Favourite Animal:
Honey, my dog.
A Flower You Really Like:
Big white lillies.
A Smell You Love:
Vanilla.
Your Favourite Sport:
Rugby, followed by Basketball and Football.
A City You Would Like To Visit:
Addis Abeba, or somewhere else in Ethiopia or even anywhere in Africa. I'd also like to go to Montreal or Vancouver.
A Delicious Desert:
Dad's Strawberry Squares or Nan's Chocolate Fudge.
A Game You Like To Play:
I love board games, all board games, but especially Monopoly and PayDay. (Fond memories at the YMCA summer camps). I also love to play running games like at Camp Medley...even though I'm quite terrible at them. :)
The Movie You Can Watch Over And Over:
Remember The Titans!
Your Favourite Musical Group or Star:
Our Lady Peace, Dashboard Confessional, Hillsong, and right now I'm into The Fray, Ker Wilson, The Philosophy and Regina Specktor.

Money And Things
In a Perfect World, What Would Be Your Ideal Career?
I would love to be a doctor in an impoverished country (maybe in Africa) but also be spiritual as well, maybe an evangelist or something too? I don't really know...
Something Important In Your Room:
The Bible that was my Great-Aunt Hannah's.
On Your Wall Hangs:
Two pieces of bristol board with magazine clippings glued on, 2 FHS production posters signed by the cast, Bible verses that I want to memorize and a Calendar.
You Have Too Many:
Things. Books. Shoes. Clothes. Possessions. Everything.

Head Spin
People Should Not Marry Before This Age:
I'm not sure if there's an age barrier but a maturity barrier...A safe age might be 22, but you should definatly know what's going on and be sure.
People Should Not Have Children Before This Age:
Again, there's defiantly no age barrier but a maturity one...Everyone learns how to take care of their children as they go, so I don't think there's any barrier... After you're married, maybe 25?

Knock Knock
Do You Believe in God?
Yes!
Try To Describe What God Is To You:
Most people would say "my saviour", but to me he is more. He is why I am here, why I live, why I love, why I care, why I think, why I am, why I am me. He saved me from this world, he loves me, he is the ultimate role model. He is everything. He surrounds me and comforts me and is truly my only hope.
Death Is:
Horrible, yet necessary. I can deal with death in different ways... Death gives us reason to live, yet can affect us so deeply we don't know if we want to live after someone dies.
Do You Believe In Evolution?
Yes, but not in the way you think. We definatly started from something, many scientists have proved that we did not just "become". But over time, you cannot argue evolution. I think God planned evolution. He planned everyone and their every action, but he also allowed for people to evolve into their own beings.

Opinions
The worst crime against humanity:
Anything along the lines of racism, segregation, thinking your better than someone else just because of their appearance or education...

Friends
A friend whom you miss:
Jen Brown, Shelby Mulligan, Elena McIntyre, Maeghan Pickard
What is a good friend?
A person you can really talk with. Friends have to have complete respect for one another.

Me
Complete the following with only 1-2 words:
You save: magazine clippings
You have: newfound confidence
You know: not enough
You wonder: why
You sing: often
You love: ALWAYS!
You buy: too much
You fear: rejection and judgement
You enjoy: laughter
You want: my dreams
You expect: more
You underestimate: love
You scream: I scream, We all scream for...
You forget: like an elephant
You mean: well
You thank: God

Well, sorry to bore you there. I will hopefully get my act together and get a new post up soon.
Hannah.

Tuesday, January 23

The Past

During this school year the only thing I've been able to think of is the future. Everyone keeps asking if I'm going to university or if I'm taking a certain course. The only topic I ever seem to be taking about is the future. I posted The Fray's lyrics last week, and this is what inspired me to write about one of the most influential parts of my life...the past.

As some people may know, the past is not really something I focus on. Usually, I would like to forget the past and start each day as if it were the only one I would live.
The truth is, our past makes us who we are. Without our past, there is no future. But how do you know when to let go, when to hold on, and when to start fresh? Your past does not have to define you, even if it influences your daily habits. Your past is part of you, yet it certainly does not need to control you or your actions.
Some people hate their past because of the things they've done, or the things they didn't do. Regret should not control our lives and shouldn't take up space in our minds. The past is the past, and since we cannot change it, we must accept it, even if it is the hardest thing we've ever done.
Romans 6:4 says:
"We were buried with Him...that just as Christ was raised from the dead...even so we all should walk in newness of life."
Our old lives, before accepting Christ as our savior, were buried with Him! We have no need to bring up the old life since God washed away all of our sins, all of our wrongs, and all of our previous life!
Now, you may say, what happens if I regret something that happened yesterday? What if I'm not proud yet shameful of myself because of something I did that was ungodly, that Jesus never would have done, and I shouldn't have done since I accepted Him as my saviour? Jesus washes away our sins. Always. Every time we ask God to clean the slate, He will! That's why our God is so awesome. Every time you say you're sorry, and truly mean it, God will wipe away your sins. And when that happens, you should no longer have to worry about it. God said it was okay, and even though you know in your heart that it wasn't, God has said it doesn't matter since you will live like Him and share His word. You are a disciple of God, and therefore you needn't worry about the past, only of what you will do tomorrow.

Hannah.

Friday, January 19

The Fray

The Fray...I love their mix of acoustics and ballads...I'm not so thrilled they went main-stream, but as long as their music stays true, I've got nothing to complain about.
This is a song I've really gotten into over the past week or so...Enjoy!

"Fall Away"
The Fray
How To Save A Life (2005)

You swear you recall nothing at all
That could make you come back down
You made up your mind to leave it all behind
Now you're forced to fight it out

You fall away from your past
But it's following you

You left something undone, it's now your rerun
It's the one you can't erase
You should have made it right, so you wouldn't have to fight
To put a smile back on your face

You fall away from your past
But it's following you
You fall away

Something I've done that I can't outrun
Maybe you should wait maybe you should run
But there's something you've said that can't be undone

And you fall away from your past
But It's following you

You fall away
It's following you

Wednesday, January 17

Compositions

I recently uploaded a bunch of my compositions to a website, and I thought I would share one of my favourites here with you too.

Just please don't laugh.
:)


Lies.
Not white ones,
ones that no one knows
the truth of.
You're not even sure what
the real thing is.
You've spent too much time
Living lies.

Eventually I crack
I can't take it.
I don't want to start over,
because I know I'll break.
I'd rather leave,
leave everything behind.
That way, I would cause
no more anything.
I've confused, ruined and misguided
so many people and lives.
Not to mention my own.
There's no trust, no love, nothing.
I'm so alone, so far away.
Yet so close and distanced.
This has to end.
Just pretend
there was no beginning
So there is no end.
Don't remember me ever agian.

I'm so broken.
All confused.
No one's here to guide me.
I want someone else's shoes.
I need to heal the open wounds,
yet protect the mending scars.

I'm moving too fast.
I never liked waterfalls.
RUSH
Not fun, no even close,
they pull you under,
pretend you're having fun.
But then it all changes.
You can see, hear, feel,
but you're ending, collapsing.
It's all over.
You're at the bottom.
No one's holding you down,
but you just can't get up.
You refuse to breathe.

Main stream was never my thing.
I was proud of little things,
envious of other ones.
I didn't want to be,
or so they thought.
I had dreams,
feelings too.
You were too distraught to see.
Why should you care?
I'm just another tear
in this flawed life.
We ignore things we don't want,
and excentuate everything we do.
Why be real?
Why be yourself?
You won't be accepted.
You're all alone.
How does it feel now?

Hide and jump.
Say you're sorry.
Belive in everything.
Feel and express.
Shout and whisper.
Be kind and rude.
Have willpower to give up easily.
Poosibilities are limited.

Death is morbid.
Morbid is death.
What colour's your angel?

(April 3rd, 2005)

Lastly, I promised Nicole that I would publish this somewhere, just for her. This was written in a grade 10 English class, and I'm sad to say, I didn't do too well on it...

To You I Give
(Revised Edition)
Dedicated to Nicole Daigle


Not a pair of jeans or a hoodie,
I give you a jumpsuit.
It is an infamous polyester creation.
It promises itchiness,
Like Gram's wool socks.
Here.
It will restrict your breathing,
Like a sumo wrestler on your chest.
It will make you cry with embarrassment,
A stuttering fool in spandex.
I am trying to be helpful.
Not a sock or a belt,
I give you a jumpsuit.
It's skin-tight feeling will stay for a while,
Like a snake trying to shed its skin.
As we are,
For as long as we are.
Take it.
Its invisible zipper will stay hidden,
If you like.
Lethal.
Your skin will long for its feel.
Its cling will haunt you.




Love.
Hannah.

Tuesday, January 16

Cast all your worries...

So I know that I'm not suppose to worry because God will take care of me.
It is incredibly difficult.

All my mind can think about right now are exams (and music, but that doesn't count, because that's always there).

I'm worried.
I admit it.
I also found out some bad news today... I'm doing a lot worse than I thought in one of my classes. Thankfully it isn't a required course. But still.

I'm excited for semester two, but mostly for Rugby season to start.

But right now, I'm just stressed.

Must go study untill the wee hours of the morning.

Ugh.
Hannah.

Monday, January 1

Old Posts on the Box

I have been reading through old posts on the sandbox (www.cantplayinmysandbox.blogspot.com) and thought I would repost some of my faves that make me smile.

Hannah said...

Man,
I hate/love being sick.

I hate/love a lot of things.

I am glad you came to school because it was like my other half was dying. Only one side of my brain functioned, therefore, making my nose run.

My heart is lopsided because your love overwhelms one side.

LOVE!
Hannah




Time destroys love.
Or do we destroy love with change and time?
But if god is love.
Love can fix anything.
Love must be able to fix time.
and bring the 1 moment back
where everything was perfect.
or will love stay where it is,
in it's place in time,
forever.

kristy

Hannah said...

Love can ruin everything, or fix anything.

Love is like fighting a war for peace. You're never sure what's to come of it.

L+P
Hannah





"WootWootScore"

Yep. So I am pretty excited about tomorrow's game. I might not get to play, but I really want to. It would be so sweet. I suddenly have the urge to tackle this desk. Okay, that didn't go as well as planned.

Moving on.

Aaron said he is going to try to go to tomorrow's game.
Now I am that much more excited.
He's a pretty cool kid, ya know.

Anyways, I am gonna try to finish up here and relax away the rest of the night.

Love and Peace
Hannah

(note to katie--coughcoughhiimgregcoughcough)
Meagan said...

Greg what?

2:53 PM

Delete
phoenix said...

GREG! YES MY HERO!!!!!!

ahem...which one PRAY TELL am i talking too?

JOKING love you

7:23 PM

Delete
Hannah said...

Don't you remember how me and greg met.....?

Here: A re-enactment by Hannah

Katie- "Hey Greg, this is Hannah."
Greg - "Hi, I'm Greg."
Hannah - "urgmsngsj....Hi....greg...Im greg."
Katie - "omfriggingG...hahahahahahahahahahaha. You'll never live this one down."
Greg - hahahaha
Hannah - crycrycry

Yeah. So I can be a girl and get embarrassed and mess up my words around cute guys. Deal with it.

I'll go back to playing in the dirt now.

L+P
Hannah

8:56 PM

Delete
phoenix said...

HAAAHAHHHHAAHAHAHAHAH! i made my mom read that and she thought it was hilarious! i am sitting here laughing my butt off remembering that! i love you!

8:21 PM





No Jelly in the Donut...

I feel so left out.

There is no jelly in this donut.

Donuts are always better with Jelly!

How come I don't have a stalker?
Or even someone who liked me?

Okay, well I'm going to go cry/open new PETA stickers/babysitt/post on my deep, insightful blog (www.thoughtsandlyrics.blogspot.com)

No Love and Little Peace
Hannah


Hearts and Candy and Flowers and Kisses and...

Sometimes (okay, most of the time), they make me sick. I'm really, really, not a touch-y feel-y, lovey-dovey person. But today, it would have been nice.

Ugh.

I gotta go.

L... all that crap

Hannah


Death.

I hate death.
I am so upset by it.
And I'm not sure why.

I mean,
dying wouldn't be so bad.
But living through other's deaths, that is.
I can't stand it.

There are no words to discribe
how I feel
when this happens.


Anyways,
on a different note.

How come when you are so incredibly...

Nevermind. Several people would shoot me.
(and now we are back to the subject of death)

Love and Peace
Hannah



Hannah

PS- I did 10 entire minutes on the rowing machine (over 2022 metres)! You guys should be so insanely proud of me, as I could not speak/walk/breathe for 10 minutes afterwards. :)


"Life as we know it"

3 Comments - Hide Original Post

Oh yes, hannah, thanks for your "permission" that i can have ian...i'll get right on that lol.

MAN...i had a lovely, incredibly EMBARASSING day...(all of them were in front of ian lol)
-Katie

Hannah said...

Hey Katie!
He was on my matchmaker sheet.
BOO YA

Woop

Hannah wins. Now only if she could talk to him, this would be a whole lot easier.

Meh
Love and whatever
Hannah








laughs.
Hannah.

The Sandbox: Party Over Here! Woop!

So read the last bit of this.
This is how I always feel, and always can't get over.
Why wo't it go away?


The Sandbox: Party Over Here! Woop!

How To Be An Artist

First off, happy new year everyone, and good luck in 2007.

Today I was cleaning my room (that's why I can't breathe now...too much dust!) and I came across a bunch of old school books from elementry and middle school. In an art scribbler I found a sheet with a work entitled "How To Be An Artist". I remember loving this when we read it in class, and I really enjoyed re-reading it today, so I thought I would share it with you.

How To Be An Artist

Stay loose. Learn to watch snails. Plant impossible gardens. Invite someone dangerous to tea. Make little signs that say Yes! and post themall over your house. Make friends with freedom and uncertainty. Look forward to dreams. Cry during movies. Swing as high as you can on a swingset, by moonlight. Cultivate moods. Refuse to "be responsible." Do it for love. Take lots of naps. Five money away. Do it now. The money will follow. Believe in magic. Laugh a lot. Celebrate every gorgeous moment. Take moonbaths. Have wild imaginings, transformative dreams, and perfect calm. Draw on the walls. Read everyday. Imagine yourself magic. Giggle with children. Listen to old people. Open up. Dive in. Be free. Bless yourself. Drive away fear. Play with everything. Entertain your inner child. You are innocent. Build a fort with blankets. Get wet. Hug trees. Write love letters.
Sark

Some of these things mentioned are just silly, but some other could truly be inspiring. I'm not sure how some parents would have liked 10 year old kids listening to something like "Refuse to 'be responsible'." or "Draw on the walls", but can you imagine the creativity that you could achieve and posses?

Hm.
Hannah.