Life?

Not too many people know this, but I haven't been having a very good while lately. I'm not sure if I am accually sick, or I just feel (mentally) sick. I'm having ups and lows and extreme lows and no one is really sure what's going on.
Rugby has started, and I am really happy about that. I'm upset though too, because I thought I would be preforming better than I accually am.
I got myself a job. It's hard work. I earn some money. It's hard work. Oh, and the past two days I've gotten yelled at. Wonderful.
It can be a little rough at home too. Mom's been having all sorts of mammograms and that, and today Dad went in for some cancer tests too. No one has been in a good mood. Heather, my sister...Well...I don't know what's wrong with her. We generally seem to get along and stay out of each other's way, but lately she's been really on edge (and me too I guess).
School is mediocre.
I've had way too much time to think, because when I get home at the end of the day and fall into bed, I can't sleep. I seem to have given up sleeping to daydream and worry. Ick.
I haven't got a clue how to deal with all this stuff...I've been really stressed out and I just don't know what to do with myself. All I can ask is that you don't judge me.
I've been struggling with my faith quite a bit over the past couple weeks...My friends are moving on, their lives are changing, and I think I'm still stuck back here, waiting for something to happen. So I decided I would take matters into my own hands and make something happen. Weather it be for the best or for the worst, at least something will happen, right? I find myself striving, wishing, dreaming, hoping, wanting, needing something more, but I just don't know how to satisfy myself with something that won't hurt me. I want to live a life of God, but right now it just seems like I'm going to miss out on so much! At the same time there's a battle going on in my head saying that living Jesus's life is so much better and fullfilling...
Pray for me guys.
Hannah.

Odd...

Today wasn't a very good day. Everyone's acting strange and I feel kinda odd...Not sick, but...Anyway.
Here's some lyrics that have been streaming in my mind all day.


"Mirror"
BarlowGirl
WOW Hits 2006 (2006)
Mirror, Mirror on the wall; Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I’m finding It’s not easy to be perfect
So sorry, you won’t define me
Sorry, you don’t own me

Chorus
Who are you to tell me
that I’m less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you? yeah yeah
I don’t need to listen
to the list of things I should do
I won’t try; no I won’t try

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I’m looking into the eyes of He who made me and
To Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me yeah yeah

Chorus
You don't define me(x4)(no u don't define me)(x3)
Chorus(x2)

Futures.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about the future. Not just the daily worrying, but the bigger picture. Is daydreaming still permitted in high school?
All my life (I feel as if) I have been told that I have to go to UNB and get at least a bachelor's degree. My parents would prefer it to be in science. Since about grade nine I thought I wanted to go to Medical School afterwards, to become a doctor (probably in the Emergency Room). I think I might like that, but I also have feelings of wanting to go somewhere in Africa, have children, get married, and experience something a little different.
Tonight Meagan and I were talking, and she and I feel the same about a lot of things. Some older people say "it must be so easy for you guys now, having so many choices." I think they're wrong. I think it would have been better and less stressful if someone gave me a list of 10 careers and said "pick one." Now I'm feeling all sorts of pressure to pick the right courses, do extremely well in school, earn a ton of money, save all my money, apply for as many scholarships as possible, spend all my time working and studying, and...
I'm just so overwhelmed. Everyone tries to help, but they aren't doing very well.
I don't know what to do.
I could make a lot of money if I wrote an owners manual to life. Too bad I don't know how to deal with it myself.

Hannah.

Game.

Okay, Facebook is addicting, but I think I found something even more....

www.lost.eu/2ae2f


Just go.

Hannah.