Life?

Not too many people know this, but I haven't been having a very good while lately. I'm not sure if I am accually sick, or I just feel (mentally) sick. I'm having ups and lows and extreme lows and no one is really sure what's going on.
Rugby has started, and I am really happy about that. I'm upset though too, because I thought I would be preforming better than I accually am.
I got myself a job. It's hard work. I earn some money. It's hard work. Oh, and the past two days I've gotten yelled at. Wonderful.
It can be a little rough at home too. Mom's been having all sorts of mammograms and that, and today Dad went in for some cancer tests too. No one has been in a good mood. Heather, my sister...Well...I don't know what's wrong with her. We generally seem to get along and stay out of each other's way, but lately she's been really on edge (and me too I guess).
School is mediocre.
I've had way too much time to think, because when I get home at the end of the day and fall into bed, I can't sleep. I seem to have given up sleeping to daydream and worry. Ick.
I haven't got a clue how to deal with all this stuff...I've been really stressed out and I just don't know what to do with myself. All I can ask is that you don't judge me.
I've been struggling with my faith quite a bit over the past couple weeks...My friends are moving on, their lives are changing, and I think I'm still stuck back here, waiting for something to happen. So I decided I would take matters into my own hands and make something happen. Weather it be for the best or for the worst, at least something will happen, right? I find myself striving, wishing, dreaming, hoping, wanting, needing something more, but I just don't know how to satisfy myself with something that won't hurt me. I want to live a life of God, but right now it just seems like I'm going to miss out on so much! At the same time there's a battle going on in my head saying that living Jesus's life is so much better and fullfilling...
Pray for me guys.
Hannah.